Dear Man Who Sat Four Feet Away From Me Just Now In Front of the Department of Education,
This bench is roughly eighty feet long. Based on Copernicus’ second law of social bisection, you should be sitting very nearly that of ten times the distance from which you sit to me now. Copernicus (later modified, of course, by Newton) clearly articulated that with a coefficient of pride minus a fraction of self-doubt, the most natural space for which bisection must occur is roughly half– that is, one over two– see two over four–that is, bi, that distance measured by a rule of thumb squared. Since you are, in fact, a Department of Education employee, it is my suspicion that your science and math skills are, in all probability–that is, more than likely–weak. However you’ll notice that on the bench opposite, facing, and heretofore across from, there exists nearly four beings–each of which, multiplying by seven (and, of course, carrying the two) are, indeed in accordance with and, further, not in opposition to, said rule of science. I advise you to, in such manner as you deem appropriate, reevaluate your choice of seat.
Yours, Very Truly,
Amateur Content
