Social Skills The Game!: Law School Edition

In Social Skills: College and Beyond, you downplayed your achievements, participated in self-deprecation, and learned to attract others through kindness and humor. You actively listened to your opponent, pausing before you’d reply to ensure that he’d said all he needed to say. You shared personal stories, anecdotes, and quips.

But in this new edition of your old favorite, the rules have changed. You must now navigate the spiky personalities of law school, where humility is scorned, aggression is encouraged, and nobody likes a laid-back Lucy!

This edition contains: 2 economics majors, 4 gunners, 87 political science majors, 1 art history major, 18 philosophy majors, and 1 racist

Preparing for Class

by Amateur Content

CivProf: So tell me, Ms. Content, would the issues in this case be different had this been brought in a federal district court?

AC: Ya know, I really don’t know.

CivProf: You don’t know? Ms. Content, did you prepare for this exercise?

AC: Yea, I looked at it a little bit, but I was just thinking about other things last night—I didn’t really get around to reviewing the rules.

CivProf: You are aware, Ms. Content, that there is a “no passing” policy in this class?

AC: Oh. Well, do you want to talk about something else?

CivProf: Mr. Stevens, would the issues in this case be different?

Update on moiself, in numerical form

I haven’t wanted to write about law school much because I am in law school, and the last thing I want to think about when I have a free moment here in law school is law school, but there are many things to say about law school, and dag-nabbit I intend to say them. But, like my Property reading, I intend to say them some other time, and not now. For now, I will just give you a quick update on moiself, in numerical form.

Weeks I have been in law school: 6
Weeks until exams: 8
Number of fellow students who know, in days, how long until exams: 537
Number who have begun outlining: 132
Number in my first year class: ~600
Number of terms of art I have learned: 1
Number of terms of art I have learned other than “term of art”: 0
Number of times I have been on antibiotics: 4
Number of times I have seen the doctor: 7
Number of times I have left town: 2
To go to a renaissance faire: 1
Number of pages I should have read but didn’t: 300
Number of pages I could have read in the time it took me to go to the renaissance faire: 350
Number of courses I have: 5
Number of classes I have missed: 6
Number of classes the average student has missed: .26
How many people annoy me, so far: 3
How many people I have met who are interested in mime: 0
How lame is that?: really fucking
Number of jokes I have heard: 5
Number of jokes I have told: 38
Number of times my fellow students have laughed at a joke I have told: 4
Amount, in Roman numerals, that I like law school: XII
Number of times that my tenses were all messed up in this list: 16
How much I care: more than you could know
Hours of sleep I got last night: 5
Ratio of how long this post has taken me to write to how many hours of sleep I got last night: 1:10

Freedom!

$25 worth of freedom…to wear teddies.

Today, Victoria’s Secret apologized to me for their sub-par service.

Dear Ms. Content,
I know that we have disappointed you in recent months…and I want to sincerely apologize [sic] on behalf of our entire organization.

It has come to our attention, through repeated comments from our male subscribers, and from the professors at your law school, who have been diligent about arguing on your behalf, that you have not been duly compensated for your outstanding work. We have, in our latest publication, reprinted 4 of the photos taken of you last year, namely those featuring our lace flyaway babydoll, our lace-up halter babydoll, our Lacey Little Thins NEW! lace-up hiphugger thong, and our NEW! “Sodapop” panty with lace trim. We are abashed and ashamed of our misconduct, and ask for your forgiveness.

In the meantime, nothing is more important to us than regaining your trust. To show our appreciation for your fine ass, please accept this offer of $25 off your next online or catalogue purchase. Just enter your certificate number at checkout or mention when placing a phone order.
…
Sincerely,
CEO
Victoria’s Secret Direct

$25! Forgiveness granted! Now I can buy that Point d’esprit teddy I’ve been wanting. …just a little something for Christmas morning with the folks.

Another Memo Update

I just found out that we will be exchanging papers with our classmates to receive their critiques. Oh, the shame.

Memo Update #4: 9:40am

Okay, I’d say I’m a good, strong hour behind schedule.

I have about 1000 more words and two more elements to cover, but did just do a bunch of citations so I feel good about that. But I could really use another hour. Isn’t that always the way…

Memo Update #3: 6:47am

Okay, I had a little trouble waking up, but I’ve regrouped, and am totally ready to start.

Memo Update #2: 1:26am

I have done much research, and I have learned much.

I have learned the functional difference between the tonsils and the adenoids. I have learned that you can press the forward key when you are texting so that you don’t have to wait until the “n” is no longer highlighted before you type your “o”. And I have learned that chocolate ice cream is highly nauseating in large doses.

So, this concludes the research portion of my night. I will now move on to writing. It is possible that before initiating this portion, however, I will nap, because I am tired, and feeling tired hurts.

Memo Update #1: 11:13 pm

It’s memo time here in 1L land.

Our first memos are due tomorrow at 11am (give or take an hour) and everyone is handling it differently: the BMOC-types, with 8 pages on their hard drives, are going out for a few drinks before they finish up their drafts; the procrastinators are outside chatting about how they just finished their outlines, and have not yet written a word; and the nail-biters and gunners are tucked tightly in their beds, their readings for the week finished and their memos neatly uploaded to their professors’ courseware sites.

And where do I fall on this scheme? Well, let me describe to you the last few hours, and see if you can guess…

4:00pm: Staring into space on the Amtrak remembering that there is something I have to do back in DC.
5:00pm: Staring into space on the Amtrak with a growing desire to eat ice cream.
6:30pm: Staring into space on the Amtrak thinking about which search terms I should use on Westlaw.
6:31pm: Staring into space on the Amtrak thinking about Rocky Road.
8:00pm: Buying ½ gallon of Ice Cream and 1 package of Oreos at CVS.
9:00pm: Feel very ill. Do not want any more ice cream and Oreos.
9:15pm: Showering, despite having showered less than 12 hours before.
10:00pm: Do not want any more Oreos but have a strong desire to complete something.
10:45pm: Blogging, despite not having blogged for 10 days.
11:15pm (projected): Checking email one last time before hitting up Westlaw.